Alcovirginity

As he held the bottle of Absolut Vodka in his hands... he heard this voice for the zillionth time in that day. 'Again...why am I doing this?' He could clearly remember his friend telling him,' to get the best effect, start with a glass of beer and then go for the shots, otherwise it would become to difficult for you to handle. You won't like to screw up the first time you decide getting drunk!'

But for him, this act was more like a psychological experiment than just about getting drunk. He always used to be the 'coke and pineapple juice guy' in all the booze parties. 'Dude.. why don't you drink??' was the most common question asked to him in those flashing lights in Disc bars by friends who were on their third glass or maybe more. 'Hmm.. interesting question. Let me see it this way. Why should I drink?'
'Because it's fun dude. It is the ultimate bliss. Your inner self comes out. For you forget everything, and be what you want to be, say what you want to say, do what you want to do.'
'Hehe.. see thats the point. I don't want my 'inner self to come out. Maybe I am too complicated to handle that.'
'Stop this shit yaar, here, try the first sip from my glass'
'Ohh.. so you too are a 'try first sip from my glass' kind of guy, trying to gain psychological satisfaction of having made somebody take the first step towards dependency for life. So, after this first sip if I ask for more, you can be happy for the entire night with each shot that I take, that whatever I am doing is because of you!!'
' Get lost then, if you think you are so fucking complicated'


However today, as he sat in his living room alone holding the vodka and beer bottle, with a video camera running and taping all his movements, the prime reason was his complicatedness. For years he had wondered at his own unpredictability, identity crisis and failure to understand what makes him do things that he actually does. For once he wanted to know, 'what lay inside him' , 'who was he' and maybe to get drunk was the best way.

He poured the first shot and gulped it. He could feel his throat burning and a bitter taste in his mouth. He could remember the taste similar to the pulse polio drug taken in his childhood. 'Wait, pulse polio!! Am I drunk in a single shot?' He poured another but suddenly he started feeling the resistance to take it. As if his mind was pitching a battle against its disclosure. But he forced the shot in his throat. Surprisingly, this one tasted better. With a dizzy head, he looked at the light of the video camera placed in his book shelf, a place he had chosen so that maybe it might stays away from his own eyes when he is drunk.

He rested his back on his couch and picked the bottle to pour another one. Just then it occured to him that he must get somebody to talk to him to get the best out from the situation. Maybe there is no point in this whole thing if there is nobody to actually make him talk.
'Wow! I am so intelligent when I am drunk.'
He needed somebody good enough to handle him and the situation and he knew the exact person for that. He picked up his cell and dialed her number.
'Hello' came the voice from the other side.
'Hii.. listen. To begin things, I am slightly drunk'
' O..K..'Waise that is pretty apparent from your voice.Define slightly.
'That is not the point. You know I never drink. The reason why I did is... (again...why did I do this?). Yeah.. I remember. You know I always used to say that I have surpassed the limits of complicatedness and I really want to know, who actually am I, what goes inside my head. So this is like the only way I can know that. It is like an experiment. So if you can come here and make me talk, that would really help.'
'You are impossible. As I see it, it looks like an excuse to get drunk. I am seriously not interested'
'Cmon.. you are the only friend I have'
'See.. I am running very busy now. I don't know if I will be able to make it. Bye'

As he put the phone down, the shots had started having some good effect on him. 'Bitch, what does she think of herself. I need another shot. 'He poured another one, then another one and thats the last he remembered....

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He opened his eyes and his head started paining like hell. He wanted to know where he was. But he did not seem to have the energy. He closed his eyes again and everything became all right.

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He could hear his phone ringing. He opened his eyes. He could see the bright sunlight in his room. He somehow managed to grab the phone. It was her. He suddenly remebered his last night's booze and the phone call.
'Hi... were you able to make it last night then. What all did I do?'
'you dont remember anything!'
'No... not one thing'
'Yeah...actually I called to apologize. I could not make it. This work is taking the hell out of me. I am sorry.'
'Its fine.... chal I think I need to go back to sleep'

Just as he put the phone down, he saw the video cam. He recalled having put it there. It's battery had run off. He took out the tape and put it on play. It began with the first shot and the second. The he could see the phone conversation. Then began the shot extravaganza. 'Wow.... I managed four. No wait.... five!!' Just then he heard the door bell ringing. As he saw himself getting out of the camera frame to open the door, he wondered who came last in night. Just then he saw her appearing in the camera frame.

'What... she was here! But then why didn't she tell me.'

They began talking on some arbitrary topic, with her telling him, how drunk he looked. Topics rolled from office to how gorgeous she was looking. But then he saw himself doing something, he could not have imagined in the wildest of his dreams. In the next fifteen minutes he heard himself telling her the feelings he had for her. Moreover, the 'drunk' him convinced her in such a flawless way, he could never have done in his senses!! As he saw her on the tape, believing every lie after lie he was telling her, he realized where everything was going. It was not long that the camera showed them kissing each other passionately in a way he would never remember having learnt from anywhere. And as the clothes went off, everything that he saw thereafter made good sense to him why she lied to him on phone.

Finally from an analyst point of view, it was an interesting experiment. The drunk took advantage of the non-drunk. He had two of his 'first times' last night, and he could not recall any one of them. Finally as for the whole 'Who am I' thing the only result that can be interpreted was.. he was complicated.

Intutius' Guest Post

Not another girl post on thoughtspot!! But then you can't stop Intutius from writing on this topic. Moreover, it would have been a crime to ask him to write his typical post and not expect anything on girls.
On a personal note, I really think that the type of girl mentioned in this blog (hot, intelligent and Atkin loving) is kind of rare. Hopefully this is his imagination or otherwise I need to know more people in IIT [:P]. As for 'We can be friends since you have done the MEL120 assignment', well sure.. I have personally experienced it many times.
- Achintya

( Intutius aka himanshu writes for 'Intuiting Life' . You can read more of his posts @ intutius.wordpress.com)
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First day at college. @ Orientation Function.
(IIT Boy sees a hot girl sitting at front desk)
IIT Boy: {Wow… what a chick!! I knew this place would be awesome… Let’s begin.} Hieee..!! Myself Chirag. (Smiles) What about you?
IIT Girl: {Ohh God!! Yet another! This one’s third since the morning. Why these boys don’t mind their own business and disturb me? I’ve got to listen to this orientation and know about the labs and professors out here.} 2008CH70312.
{Boy gulps his saliva and decides to try once more.}
IIT Boy: Can we be friends? {Ohkk… this girl may be rude, but she’s hot too.}
IIT Girl: Are you in computer science? {I should be loving CS boys ‘coz my senior told me they generally score a good CGPA, get good jobs and moreover they are dumb too.}
IIT Boy: No.
IIT Girl: {Then Fuck Off!}
(Girl is back to her work.)


After one semester:
IIT Boy: Hieee!! How you doing? {She’s still hot!!}
IIT Girl: Great. My CSL assignment is complete and I’ve just finished my second revision of Atkins. My life rocks!! {I am very happy.}
IIT Boy: {I should gulp my saliva again.} Hey may I ask you a thing if you don’t mind..??
IIT Girl: {Oh God!! I wish he didn’t ask me the formula of critical ambient temperature, I’ve skipped it in my revisions.} Ya sure.
IIT Boy: Do you have a boyfriend?
IIT Girl: {Is he asking about a boy-friend or a boyfriend? I am confused.} No.
IIT Boy: {Yipeeee!!!!} Any crushes? Ok tell me who was your first crush?
IIT Girl: {Should I tell him about H.C. Verma?} What’s a crush?
IIT Boy: {Where’s my saliva?}
IIT Boy: Can we be friends?
IIT Girl: Is your CGPA greater than 8.22? {My CG is only 8.22, I desperately need to raise it this semester.}
IIT Boy: No. {It’s 5.8.}
IIT Girl: {Then fuck off… again!!}
IIT Girl: Wait… have you completed your MEL120 assignment? {The deadline is tomorrow.}
IIT Boy: {No.} Yes.
IIT Girl: Sure… we can be friends.
IIT Boy: Thanks. {I should start making my assignment now.}


At Barista
(The boy finally manages to take the girl out on a date at Barista Café just situated just in front of IIT Main Gate.)
IIT Boy: You’re looking great. {Just look at her cleavage man!!}
IIT Girl: {I know.} Thanks.
IIT Boy: So tell me what can I have you? Amor Frappe? Hazelnut Cappuccino?
IIT Girl: No, I would rather take Iced Tea. {It contains antioxidants and alkaloids.}
(Half an hour later)
IIT Boy: I wanna say something… {Now I can’t hold it anymore. I’ve got to propose her now.}
IIT Girl: {Oh God! Does he want me to share the bill !} Yes?
IIT Boy: I Love You. (Bends on his knees) Will you be my girl?
IIT Girl: {Oh God! I’d rather shared the bill.} Umm..well… I’m sorry.
IIT Boy: {Oopsss!!!}
IIT Girl: {I love you too … but I’m not allowed to date. I’ve got my assignments, projects and practicals. I wish I could have some more time.}
IIT Boy: Ok… then let’s share the bill…
IIT Girl: {Yeah..} Yeah.
(And so how it ends. The boy surrenders and decides to stop trying while the girl scores 8.65 that semester. Isn’t that so much for this happy ending..? :P )

***
PS – No offense made. :P
PS – Thanks Achintya for the space in Thoughtspot. (And sorry for so so late utilization of it.)
PS – Summers in Delhi suck!
PS - I guess I should get some water.
PS - Adieu.